


Don't Tell The Bride

by wilderwestqueen



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4367684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilderwestqueen/pseuds/wilderwestqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiccup and Astrid are two broke art school graduates whose only wish is to get married. When the television show 'Don't Tell The Bride' offers them the money to pay for the ceremony, Hiccup and Astrid jump at the chance. Only there's a catch. Hiccup has to plan the wedding alone, and Astrid's not allowed to know anything about it.</p><p>For three weeks, they must separate, not to meet again until they're both standing at the altar. Before then, they must deal with cameras invading their personal lives, being apart and, oh yeah, Hiccup has to plan a wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Contracts

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on fanfiction.net under QueenoftheWilderwest.

Astrid thought it was a joke at first.

The form is open on the computer and Astrid scrolls through it, trying not to laugh.

"You're not serious, Hiccup?" she says, glancing up to where he's curled up on the sofa, nose in a book.

"Unfortunately yes," he says.

In bold letters at the top of the browser page the words ‘BE ON A SHOW’ are written.

Don’t Tell the Bride is a fun, factual entertainment programme in which the groom organises the wedding alone, and the bride knows nothing until the big day!

_ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS_

_Calling all brides! Need money to fund your wedding? Look no further! Don’t Tell the Bride offers £12,000 to pay for the wedding of your dreams!_  
_Grooms, do you have what it takes to organise the perfect day for the one you love?_

_Apply today!_

Astrid sighs, standing up and dropping herself down beside him on the seat, nudging him at him to move up and give her space.

"Stoick put you up to this, didn't he?" she says.

Hiccup closes the book and places it on the table, groaning and dragging his hands across his face. "He's been bugging me since you proposed."

"But this, Hiccup, really?" she says, still holding back a laugh. "Hiccup this is so not us."

He bends over and presses his face into the sofa cushion, his voice muffled when he speaks. “I know.”

Astrid rests her feet on the coffee table, slumping back into the sofa. “Just because your Dad says we should, doesn’t mean we have to listen to him. Since when have we ever listened to Stoick anyway?”

Hiccup gives a long sigh, his face still in the pillow. Astrid raises an eyebrow, frowning at her boyfriend.

“You’re not actually considering it, are you?” she says.

Hiccup pulls himself up slowly, his hand snaking over towards Astrid, their fingers linking together.

“Astrid,” he says. “All I want to do is marry you, right now, and you know my Dad won’t accept anything less than a stupidly lavish ceremony. We’re art school graduates. We’re not going to have enough money to do this for years. If we do this, we’re going to have the money for it, and we can do it now.”

Astrid gives a soft smile, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. “You’re sweet, Hiccup,” she says. “And I get the benefits. But you’ve seen the show right? We’re not the right couple for this.”

“I know.”

“I mean, they’re going to paint you as this clueless moron that doesn’t know anything about me. And they’re going to make me out to be this demanding little princess that can’t accept anything less than her own way.”

“I know.”

“I’m not a bridezilla, Hiccup!”

“I know!” Hiccup says, grabbing her hands and turning her to face him. “I know, Astrid. But I love you, and all I want to do is be with you, and this is the only way we’re going to be able to do it.”

Astrid smiles, resting her forehead against Hiccup’s, her hand resting at the crook of his neck. “I love you too,” she says, moving forward and pressing her lips against his. “And all I want to do is be with you too.”

Then she moves her forehead away, her hands moving down to rest on her shoulders. “But we really need to think about this, Hiccup. It’s cameras invading our personal lives – you’d hate that. Not to mention the three weeks of no contact. We’ve seen each other every single day since we were twelve, and suddenly not being able to speak is going to be horrible. We really need to think about this first.”

Hiccup nods. “You’re right. As always.”

Astrid grins, swivelling around and snuggling up onto the sofa, her head resting on Hiccup’s shoulder. “I know.”

* * *

  
It’s not until dinner with Hiccup’s parents that they decide to go for it.

Valka and Stoick sit opposite the young couple, smiling wildly. Hiccup shoots Astrid a fearful look.

Stoick guffaws and claps his meaty hands down onto the table. “So,” he says. “Have you thought anymore about what I said?”

“Yeah, Dad,” Hiccup says. “Y’know, we’re really not sure about this. We’re private people, do we really want cameras in our home? Also, we’re not sure we want to be apart for that long.”

“Hiccup,” his father drawls. “At this rate we’re never going to see the two of you tie the knot.”

“It would be good to see you too finally make it official,” Valka chips in.

“We don’t have to be married for it to be official,” Astrid says, but it’s not the argument she’s trying to make. She wants to marry Hiccup, she’s wanted nothing more for a while.  
Hiccup’s parents make puppy dog eyes – or at least as ‘puppy dog’ as two tough-as-nails adults in their fifties can be.

Hiccup glances at Astrid. She shrugs.

“Fine,” Hiccup groans. “We’ll make an application.”

* * *

  
“You know, we’re never going to get in if we tell the truth,” Astrid says, perching on the edge of Hiccup’s chair, and looking over his shoulder.

Hiccup had the application form open on his laptop and was typing in answers to the questions written.

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” Astrid says, getting up and pulling a spare chair over to the desk. “They want polar opposites. They want two people who have a completely different idea of the perfect wedding. They want you to be selfish and plan someone that you want and completely enrage me.”

“But I don’t want to enrage you!” Hiccup says.

Astrid laughs, pressing a kiss to Hiccup’s cheek. “I know you don’t. But the television company will want you to. It makes good T.V.”

Hiccup chews on his lip, his hand scratching the back of his head and his gaze on the floor. “Are you sure you want to do this, Astrid? I don’t want to cause any problems between us.”

“It won’t,” Astrid says, reaching over and placing her hands on Hiccup’s. “I love you, Hiccup, and I want to marry you. Whatever you organise will make me happy, no matter what the company try to stir up between us. We’ve been together for ten years. That’s too long for anyone to meddle with.”

He smiles, and turns to delete what he had written in the form, offering up the laptop for Astrid to type.

“Do you think we’ll get it?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Astrid says. “But we’re a good couple choice. Childhood sweethearts – TV shows eat that shit up.”

Hiccup can’t hold back his laughter.

* * *

  
A few weeks later the couple were contacted and told that their application had been shortlisted. All of a sudden what they had done suddenly felt more real and less like a joke. Both Astrid and Hiccup could feel it looming over them; that sometime in the next few months, they could be married.

One day, when work and other responsibilities were hanging over them, they cuddled up on the sofa, Astrid’s head rested on Hiccup’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around her.  
“What happens if we do get it?” he says, out of the blue.

Astrid doesn’t even have to ask what he’s talking about. “Then I guess you’re organising a wedding in three weeks?” she says.

“No, I mean. We won’t be able to see or talk to each other for three weeks. I don’t want to go without seeing you for three weeks. How are we going to manage?” he says, his voice quickening as he talks.

“Hiccup, you’re panicking,” Astrid says, pressing a hand to his chest. “We’ll be fine.”

She heaves herself up off the sofa, mumbling something about hot chocolate for the both of them, and heads towards the kitchen. She hovers at the door and turns back to look at Hiccup, something of a smirk on her face.

“Besides,” she says, with a twinkle in her eye. “Rules are made to be broken.”

It’s their motto. It’s been their motto since they met when they were twelve. Lord knows how many letters were sent home from angry teachers trying to tame the two troublemakers. None of them succeeded. Hiccup’s pretty sure that Stoick treasured those letters, relishing the fact that Hiccup was a mischief-maker.

Three days later, they receive a phone call telling them that they’ve been selected for an episode on the show. Hiccup tries not to freak out too much.

* * *

  
Both of them freak out a little a bit when they’re taken into a small room with a lawyer to go over the contract. Astrid can’t help but feel boxed in, what with the camera crew squashed in a corner, and the lawyer harshly intonating how much they’ll have to pay if they break contract. Hiccup notices her distress and squeezes her hand under the table, holding it for the rest of the meeting.

It’s over soon enough, and as they leave, a man in an expensive suit walks up to them.

“You are Astrid Hofferson and, uh, Hiccup Haddock?” he asks.

Hiccup wrinkles his nose when the man says his name. He’s used to people thinking his name is weird.

“Yes, that’s us,” Astrid replies politely, holding out her hand for the man to shake.

“I’m Dave,” the man says. “I’m one of the producers of the show.”

They talk a little more and Dave explains how the cameras work, when they’ll be filming and what they expect from the two of them.

He ends the conversation by saying “Our camera people will arrive at nine o’clock tomorrow morning to film your initial interviews and then your goodbyes. One of you must find somewhere else to stay for the duration of the three weeks.”

“So soon?!” Hiccup says, speaking for the first time since Dave introduced himself.

“Yes,” Dave says. “You better be ready for their arrival.”

His tone is cold, and Hiccup decides that he doesn’t like the man.

He shoots a glance at Astrid, stricken. He isn’t ready to say goodbye to Astrid for three weeks; he wanted much more time to talk with her about the upcoming month.

One night doesn’t seem long enough.

When they get home, they spend the whole night cuddled up in each other’s arms, neither of them wanting to spend a minute apart, knowing that as soon as Hiccup leaves, they are not going to see each other again until the altar.


	2. Leaving

"It was so romantic," Astrid enthuses in a starry-eyed tone that Hiccup has never heard before. "We were in a posh restaurant, just finishing our meal when he got down on one knee."

Hiccup resists the urge to snort when he thinks back to how the proposal really went. It had been a late work day for both of them and the two of them were cuddling on the couch, when Astrid had looked up at him and said "For goodness sake, are we getting married then, or what?"

Hiccup spluttered and then broke out into a grin, because of course - _of course_ \- that was how their proposal would go. He'd actually been planning something out, and somewhere in one of his coat pockets he had hidden a box containing a ring. But somehow, he didn't really mind that his plans at being romantic had been foiled. Somehow, the way Astrid had done it was just… _them_.

Astrid continues talking, smiling widely into the cameras. Anyone who knew her would know that she was going a little too far, her tone distinctly ironic, as if she thought this whole thing was stupid. But hey, what were the camera crew to know?

It had started a few hours ago, the camera crew rushing into the house and setting themselves up. Hiccup and Astrid were instructed to sit on the sofa and were told that they were going to be interviewed about their relationship for the introduction of the show. Hiccup had let Astrid take the lead, listening to her make things up and embellish events to make a good show for the cameras. He can't help feeling slightly impressed.

It ends when Astrid places a kiss to Hiccup's cheek, and the camera crew's faces light up, some of them giving polite claps.

Dave smiles at the pair. "Astrid, that was excellent!" he says. "Now, Hiccup, I'd like you to talk about how you feel about organising the wedding, and whether you have any worries or fears. In your own time, any mistakes can be cut out in the editing."

Hiccup puts on a slightly awkward smile, his hand squeezing Astrid's for comfort before he begins to speak.

"Well," he says. "Like Astrid says, we've been together for a long time. I just want to make our wedding the perfect day, because after all this time she's put up with me, she deserves nothing less."

Astrid gives a light laugh, nudging Hiccup gently. "I'm not 'putting up with you', you idiot," she says, fondly.

The crew coos, and Dave claps his hands. "Same question to you, Astrid. Any worries or fears about Hiccup organising the wedding?" he says.

Astrid shrugs. "I hope he manages his money well. I'm in charge of the money between us, so I don't know how he'll fare when he doesn't have me to make sure he's not going overboard."

That one is a straight up lie, and Hiccup knows it. The two of them have always been clear to each other that they share the money that they earn and they're both careful with what they do with it. Astrid sends a sideway glance to Hiccup to say that she doesn't mean it.

"Also, I hope he doesn't let the best man get the better of him. Scott's not the best influence on him," she says, and Hiccup can tell that she's trying to hide a smirk.  
  
It's so weird to hear Astrid call his cousin by his real name. The pair had been calling him Snotlout for so long that the words sounded alien coming out of Astrid's lips.

After a few more questions, and the two of them talking a little more about their life and their circumstances, Dave claps his hands and announces that interviews are over. They go through the business of taking all the camera equipment upstairs, while Dave explains that they will film Hiccup packing and then they'll film him leaving.

Astrid's stomach sinks, and she clutches onto Hiccup's hand, not quite ready for him to leave just yet.

* * *

  
"Have you got everything?" Astrid says, standing over Hiccup and looking down into the suitcase.

Dave had pulled her to one side before they started filming and told her to look like she was bugging him, as if he would forget something if she didn't remind him.

_He's a grown adult_ , Astrid had wanted to say. _He can pack for himself._

But she had just smiled and nodded, preparing herself for the cameras to be turned on again.

"Don't forget toiletries," she says.

Hiccup rolls his eyes. "I won't."

This too, is over too soon.

They film Hiccup dragging the suitcase downstairs, and then they when they reach the garden fence, they announce that they will now be filming their goodbyes.

Hiccup pulls Astrid in for a bone crushing hug, his nose in her hair as he mumbles I love yous and I'll miss yous.

_I won't cry_ , Astrid repeats in her head forcefully. _I won't._

It's over too quickly, and sure enough, the camera crew are moving their equipment ready to film the car driving away.

While no one's looking, Astrid pushes Hiccup in the chest. "Have fun at Snotlout's," she says, grinning.

Hiccup groans. "That's it, I've changed my mind. I'm not going."

Astrid laughs, pulling Hiccup in for one last hug. "I'm going to miss you. Idiot."

He holds her tight, grinning into her hair. “Don’t punch any camera men, now,” he teases.

“Love you,” she mumbles into his chest.

“Love you too.”

And then they're pulling him away over to his car, and they film him opening the door, getting in and then driving away.

And then he's gone.


	3. Wedding Planning Begins

The half hour drive to Snotlout's house involved Hiccup being grilled by a member of the crew while a camera man sat in the front seat and held the camera in his face. It was rather unnerving, and hard to concentrate on the road. He kept seeing the camera out of the corner of his eye and had to remind himself not to look into it.

"I'm going to miss her so much," he said. "We've not really been apart at all since we were twelve."

This is true. As much as Hiccup has been embellishing and making things up for the camera, he's not lying about his love for her. He had only driven for five minutes and he already was trying to fight the urges not to turn the car back around.

The interviewer nods, as if trying to get Hiccup to say something more, but he doesn't really have anything else to say. He's not very good at this whole interview thing without Astrid by his side.

Arriving at Snotlout's house fills Hiccup with dread. Snotlout wasn't meant to be their best man - both Astrid and Hiccup would have preferred their friend Fishlegs (or Philip if you're not going by Astrid and Hiccup's silly nicknames for all of their friends). However, the company was clear that their best man had to be someone that was likely to cause trouble and make the groom make bad decisions (they'd seen the show. They knew what went on), and Snotlout just seemed to fit the bill.

"Hiccup!" Snotlout calls, as Hiccup pulls up into the driveway. "Come in, and let your last three weeks of freedom begin."

Hiccup suppresses a groan _. If I thought three weeks without Astrid was freedom, I wouldn't be marrying her_ , he thinks to himself.

He plasters on a smile and gets out the car, patting Snotlout on the shoulder.

The camera crew follows them into Snotlout's house, where he grabs two beers out of the fridge and hands one to Hiccup.

"Let's get wedding planning!" Snotlout hoots, waving his beer in the air.

Hiccup sighs, covering his face with his hand. "Er, Snotlout, I'm not sure how beer is supposed to help us plan a wedding."

"Nonsense! This is gonna be a breeze!"

He resists the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. It was going to be a long three weeks.

* * *

 

The day after Hiccup had left, Astrid sits on a kitchen counter, holding a mug of tea in her hands. The camera crew are here again, setting things up and bustling around messing around with things.

Dave smiles at her and she forces herself to smile back even though he gets on her nerves.

"So, Astrid, we're just going to do a little section where you talk about how you're feeling now that you're on your own. What it's like without Hiccup around, that sort of stuff, okay?"

What _was_ it like without Hiccup around?

Quiet.

Hiccup was noise. Hiccup was clumsiness, constantly tripping over and dropping things. Hiccup was unable to keep still, he would be tapping at things or moving things around. Hiccup was mumbling and muttering over some new project, sitting in the corner with his laptop where all she could hear was the tapping of his keyboard.

Without Hiccup around, the silence was deafening.

And it was so lonely. There was no one around to keep her company while she cooked or worked. There was nobody around during the slow moments - those times when nothing much was happening, when the boredom ate away at her brain.

And all of these feelings were only in the space of one day. How was she supposed to survive the next three weeks?

When it's time for her to speak she doesn't say any of this to that capacity. She just mumbles about it being quiet and lonely and let them move on to other things.

The camera crew were deliberately drawing her attention to the fact that Hiccup wasn't around, and goddamn was it working. She begins to count down the minutes until five o'clock when they said that they would leave.

* * *

 

Where do you even begin to plan a wedding?!

Hiccup's never planned a wedding before. And now, with Snotlout and Fishlegs at his side, it's starting to dawn on him that he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.

And the camera crew is going to feed off that. Crap.

Thank God for Fishlegs, who took the organisation of the whole thing into his own hands, bringing out a big piece of paper and a permanent marker, handing it to him and telling him to note down all the things needed for a wedding.

"Right," Hiccup says, stirring himself into action. "So... venue."

He writes it down and Fishlegs nods encouragingly.

"Dress," he says, writing that down next.

Then he stops. "What else?"

Fishlegs rolls his eyes. "Come on, Hiccup, there's so much more than that. You've got to think about flowers, and the cake, and a theme and the colour scheme and bridesmaid dresses and entertainment and food..."

Fishlegs goes on and on and Hiccup falls back onto Snotlout's grubby sofa, pressing a pillow over his head.

"I am so screwed," he mutters.

"Have another beer," Snotlout says.

Hiccup sighs. "Carry on, Fishlegs," he says. "What else do I need?"

Fishlegs continues to list things off, and Hiccup's heart sinks. He had not considered any of this beforehand. How on Earth was he going to get all of this done and paid for in three weeks? It was impossible.

Fishlegs is still going.

"Mud pit!" Snotlout yells, out of the blue.

The other two stare at him, incredulous.

"What? A mud pit would be an awesome thing to have at a wedding!"

"You've been spending far too much time with the twins," Hiccup says.

By the end of the first day, they have an extensive mind map of everything they need to do. _It's a start_ , Hiccup supposes.

* * *

 

Astrid is so ready for them to leave by the time five o’clock comes. Being followed around is so tiring without Hiccup by her side to send her a sideways glance or give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

But when five o’clock rolls around, the camera crew make no attempt to leave. She can feel her impatience bubbling up in her, but then Dave puts a hand to her shoulder.

“There are some people here to see you, Astrid,” he says, leading her to the front door.

When she opens it, she’s bombarded with hugs and loud yelling.

When she has time to register what’s going on, she breaks out into a huge smile. Her three bridesmaids, her best friends, have all arrived with suitcases and other luggage.

One of them steps back and claps a hand to Astrid’s shoulder. “You didn’t think we’d let you stay here for three weeks all alone, did you?” Cami says.

The other two – Heather and Ruffnut – back away from her, waving their bags up high and Astrid can’t help but laugh.

Maybe the next three weeks won’t be so bad after all.


	4. Venues

Hiccup decides that best place to start is with the venues. After all, you need to have somewhere you can hold a wedding before you actually plan everything else, right?

The trouble is that he has no idea where he wants to hold the damn thing. He can't think of anywhere that suits him and Astrid. Where do people usually hold weddings? He runs through a few places in his mind.

Churches? They'd need more than three weeks for the proper marriage procedure in a church, and he and Astrid aren't particularly religious.

Hotels? Possible, but there are so many choices, he could get it either so right or awfully wrong.

Country house? Maybe.

Some big shot mansion somewhere? Far too grand for the likes of them.

In the end, he makes a list of all of those places bar the church and narrows down a few options, handing them over to Dave so they can organise a viewing.

Meanwhile, he has to wait around at home for Dave to confirm the viewings.

Living in Snotlout's house is possibly the worst punishment any one has ever placed on Hiccup. Hiccup had never been particularly tidy, but he felt like he'd get some sort of disease just sitting down in Snotlout's house. Everything was covered in grime and dirt and it seemed like his cousin never washed the dishes. Also, the only substance Snotlout could offer Hiccup was his seemingly endless supply of beer.

"Do you live on anything else?" Hiccup asked him once, disgusted. 

"What else do I need?" Snotlout said, waving his arms up in the air.

"Basic food groups."

"Nahhh."

Hiccup found himself doing all of the shopping after that.

* * *

 

Looking at the venues was sort of fun, Hiccup thought. He'd booked some really interesting places, including one medieval-esque castle with turrets that spiralled up in the sky, ivy clinging to the bricks. It had some really fascinating history, even if Snotlout was yawning all the way through the owner's explanations.

It just wasn't Astrid.

Neither was the hotel he'd look at, which was far to posh with grand marble staircases and chandeliers in every room. Being there had made him feel distinctly scruffy and small, like he was a peasant invading a king's home. 

They were also way out of his price range.

Hiccup was stumped. He had no idea where to hold the wedding, and the first week was coming to a close. If he didn't book it soon, there would be no vacancies for the wedding date he wanted. 

It was talking to his parents that helped.

"I just don't know what to do," he says. "Everywhere I look just seems so... not us."

His fingers thread around the mug of tea, and he holds it by his face, staring down into it instead of drinking.

Valka and Stoick share a glance.

"Well, think about you and her. What's your taste? What do you two like?" his mother says.

Hiccup shrugs, almost frustrated. "I don't know! I keep trying to think of something, but I can't come up with anything!" 

It's silent for a moment and Hiccup takes a sip of his tea, trying not to get too hysterical.

"Think back, Hiccup," Valka says. "Is there anywhere both you and Astrid have been? Maybe somewhere special that you used to go or somewhere you visited once?"

Hiccup racks his brains. "I don't-" he begins, but then he stops. "Oh."

_Oh._

Valka sees the expression on his face and smiles. "I presume that means you've thought of somewhere?"

"Yeah," Hiccup says, unable to keep the grin off his face. "Yeah."

* * *

 

When Hiccup and Astrid were much younger, way back in secondary school, the two of them had an alone place. It wasn't really an alone place, because everyone knew about it and everyone knew where they were, but nobody ever bothered them there so it felt like an alone place.

It was the place that they went when school life was too stressful. It was the place they went when Astrid's parents were fighting. It was the place they went when they had started dating and needed somewhere to be that was away from the world.

It was the cove.

Despite the fact that it could be found by following a short path out of their hometown, it still felt so hidden and secluded, shielded by hills and trees. Somehow, the place was untouched, the grass greener than any other place Hiccup had seen, with a lake that sparkled clear.

He'd discovered it when he was twelve years old, and immediately shared it with Astrid, who at the time didn't like him very much. She'd soon warmed up to him though.

It was their place.

And it was perfect.


	5. Dress Shopping

Astrid's fingers trail through the line of wedding dresses, her mouth puckered into a thoughtful look. She was trying to go for picky, which was how Dave instructed her to look. She was supposed to find something that she loved and be adamant that was her choice, and that she would stand for nothing else.

Really, she wasn't thinking much of anything, apart from the fact that all of these dresses had such a horrible texture. They're slippery and feel weird under Astrid's fingertips.

Also, they don't have any pockets.

...

Pockets are useful.

"So, Astrid," Dave says. "We're going to film you and Heather putting on dresses, and you can give your opinion on them. Be as honest as you want."

Astrid nods in assent, but inside she idly muses about the fact that she doesn't much like wedding dresses at all. It's not that she's not a dress person (Cami was the girl that spurned dresses of all kind. Upon finding out that the producers were forcing all bridesmaids to wear dresses, she'd come up with all kind of over dramatic threats that amused Astrid to great lengths), not at all, Astrid, in fact, had a collection of dresses that she liked to wear. But these wedding dresses? They just looked big and cumbersome, like she'd have trouble walking in them. They were so impractical.

Heather laughs when she mentions this to her.

"They're not supposed to be practical," Heather says. "It's only for one day. They're supposed to be showy."

"Yeah, and if it's only for one day, why would I spend so much money on it?"

Heather snorts. "Don't say that in front of the cameras."

The cameras are all sorted out too soon for Astrid's liking, and before long she's having to pick out something that she likes.

"This whole segment is stupid," she had complained to Heather earlier. "What's the point in parading around a shop, choosing my favourite dress if I'm not going to be able to buy it? This whole thing is only to make me look demanding and Hiccup look stupid when he picks out the wrong thing."

She wouldn't have picked this shop earlier. The camera crew had gone through this whole business of making it look like she had spontaneously found a dress shop to look in, when in reality the crew had get permission to film in the shop beforehand, so the whole thing was scripted. The shop was painted bright pink, and everything was covered in dinky little bows.

"I almost wish we'd brought Cami now," Astrid had muttered to Heather as they walked in. "Her reaction would have been priceless."

She sighs, and pretends to look through the dresses, pulling one out at random.

“I don’t really like the style,” she says, looking at herself in the mirror.

It was Astrid-speak for ‘I am really uncomfortable right now.’

“I don’t like traditional,” she says to Heather, but really directing it towards the camera.

The conversation feels so stilted and scripted. If the cameras weren’t there, she and Heather wouldn’t be talking about the style of dresses. They’d be talking about how fast you could run in them or where you could hide all the essentials.

“I’d like a silky dress,” she says, finally. “It’s got to come up above my knees. I really don’t like any of these dresses. I’d hate to have anything too big or princessy. I need to be able to walk.”

She’s basically just describing all the dresses she has at home. In Astrid’s mind, she doesn’t really need a fancy dress or anything like that. She knows that the dress will be the last thing on her mind during the wedding.

* * *

 

A few days later, Hiccup is marched into a different dress shop across town. The dumbfounded look Hiccup gives is genuine and the camera crew love it. Just the right amount of cluelessness.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he mumbles as he wanders through the shop, staring at all the dresses on the rack.

He wonders how many times he’s going to say that sentence in the whole process.

“Astrid’s not a traditional person,” he says to the camera. “She’d hate all of these dresses.”

He judges by what he’s seen Astrid wear before, and picks out a short, white and non-descript dress. Nothing too fancy, nothing too big. Anything else just wouldn’t be Astrid.

“Hiccup, can we talk for a sec?” Dave says, pulling him over to one side.

Hiccup resists the urge to sigh. Whatever he’s about to say can’t be good.

“You see, Hiccup, the thing is, you can’t pick this dress,” he says.

Hiccup blinks and holds the dress up to look at it. “Why not? I think Astrid would love it.”

Dave runs a hand through his hair. “Yes. But she picked out a dress just like it, so you have to pick something else. Otherwise there’s no surprise for her or the audience.”

“So you don’t want me to pick this dress, specifically because Astrid would like it?” he says, frowning.

He’s really starting to hate Dave.

“No, no, no,” Dave says. “We just need you to think outside the box. Now if you’ll just look over here at these dresses…”

He pulls out a big dress that spreads across the floor and is covered in ostentatious sparkles.

Hiccup scowls. “It’s a princess dress. Astrid would hate that.”

Somehow, Dave coerces him to picking it out on camera and paying for it.

He’s really, _really_ starting to hate Dave now.

After they’ve finished and the camera crew has packed away and left, Hiccup rushes back into the shop and goes up to the cashier.

“Look,” he says. “I don’t want this dress. Astrid would kill me if I made her wear something like that. Would it be possible to switch it out for the other dress I picked out? Make up some excuse. Say something went wrong with the purchase and there was a mix-up. Please. I just can’t make her wear that dress.”

The cashier holds up her hands. “Say no more. I hate the way those reality shows mess with people’s lives. I’ll make sure she gets that dress.”

Hiccup gives a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you so much,” he says. “I can pay you extra, for the trouble.”

“No need,” the woman says and then smiles. “I hope she loves the wedding.”

* * *

 

A week or so later, Astrid is herded into the shop. When she tries the dress on, she’s pleasantly surprised that he’s managed to get her everything she had said she wanted in a dress. She loves the way the dress fits, hugging her curves.

Behind her, she can hear the camera crew muttering and Dave is mumbling angrily to the cashier. Astrid gets the distinct feeling that this wasn’t the dress she was supposed to have.

On her way out, dress box in hand, she swears the cashier gives her a wink.


	6. The Accident

Astrid was having an awful day. Being followed around by a camera crew that was watching your every move and asking incessant questions every minute was driving her up the bend. She was tired, grouchy and fed up, and the only thing she wanted to do was call Hiccup and talk to him about it, but she couldn't.

Once the camera crew leaves for the night, Astrid prepares to settle herself down in the living room with a blanket, food and one of her favourite television shows. Only, when she looks in the kitchen and checks all the cupboards, she discovers that she has absolutely no food. None at all. Nada. Zilch. She groans, pressing her forehead to the cupboard door. She does a quick mental checklist of everything she has to do within the next couple of days and realises that this is her only chance to go food shopping for the next three days. She groans again, slamming a hand onto the wood of the cupboard and giving a small strangled cry of "Whyyyyyy..."

Well, at least there are no cameras around to capture her despair.

She grumbles all the way to the door and while she shoves on her shoes, shoving her wallet in her pocket and leaving her home. She only stops when she's outside and doesn't want the general public to see her muttering to herself.

She lets herself groan again when she remembers that her shared car with Hiccup is currently with Hiccup and she has to walk to the shop and carry all of the food back with her. Luckily enough, they live close to a town centre, and the closest food shop is within a reasonable walking distance.

Shopping isn't fun either. Without Hiccup to help her and make the whole experience fun, Astrid just tries to get out of there as quick as possible, but it's just her luck that she meets some people she used to know from secondary school there. They've all seen her recently changed facebook relationship to engaged, and which apparently gives them the right to bombard her with questions about it.

"We knew you two would be the first to tie the knot, and so young..." one of them says.

Astrid resists the urge to snap at her, for she knows that the woman in front of her means no harm. "We're not that young," Astrid says, trying her best to keep her tone friendly and polite. "We have been together for ten years, you know."

"Oh I know," the girl says, putting on a sickly smile that makes Astrid want to dump her shopping and run back home. "It's so sweet that you two stuck with each other."

_Stuck with him? Like he's a burden??_ Astrid wants to scream.

But the next few questions are the ones that really make Astrid want to punch a wall. "So, when is the wedding? What is going to be like?"

Astrid grits her teeth as she speaks. "Well, I don't really know," she says. It was so difficult to be polite now. "Hiccup's doing all of the organising."

The girl's jaw drops. "You would let him do it all by himself? I would never-"

Astrid cuts her off before she finishes speaking. "Yeah, well, I trust Hiccup. And I really have to go now, sorry."

She turns on her heel with that last remark. To add insult to injury, it's late enough that most of the cashiers at the checkout are just finishing up and only the self-serving checkouts are free. So of course, it takes her what feels like three years to scan and bag all of her shopping and get out of there.

And just to top it all off, because the universe had decided that Astrid just did not deserve anything to go right today, as soon as she leaves, the clouds turn grey and it begins to bucket it down with rain.

"Why?!" Astrid doesn't stop herself from whining out loud, the weird looks from strangers be damned.

She just wants to be at home right now, cuddled up in a blanket with a hot chocolate.

So, when she steps out into the road, she doesn't think.

She doesn't bother looking both ways.

She doesn't see the car speeding across from one side.

* * *

 

"So, the venue is sorted, as is the dress and the shoes," Hiccup says, clicking at a pen.

He crosses those items off the list. "Now, we need to think about food, music and entertainment," he says.

He's about to say something more, when he's interrupted by a loud banging on the door. The camera crew look up, surprised. Most of the time, they're already aware of visitors, having arranged them all beforehand and making them look like 'surprise' or out of the blue visits.

But this time, it's not been arranged.

Hiccup opens the door, to find his parents standing on Snotlout's doorstep.

"Hi, Mum. Dad," he says. "What are you doing here? It's late."

He can already see by their faces that something is wrong.

"What's going on?" he says warily, when neither of them speak.

"Son, you better sit down," his father says, leading them all back into the living room.

"You need to stay calm," Valka says.

"What's going on?" he repeats, his heartbeat rising.

Valka and Stoick share a glance with each other before turning to look back at their son. The camera crew have said nothing this whole time - they can smell good-for-television drama from a mile away.

"Astrid's been in an accident," Valka finally says.

"What?!" Hiccup says, jerking up from his seat and knocking over the pen and paper he'd left on the side.

"She was hit by a car."

Hiccup's stomach lurches, the world around him spinning. "Is she okay? What's going on? Can I see her? You have to let me see her?"

Behind him, a member of the camera crew is already making calls. Dave begins to order the crew around, assigning them jobs to do.

"Hiccup, stay calm," Stoick says, pressing a hand to his son's shoulder.

"I won't," Hiccup says, his hands balling up into fists. "Not until I know she's okay. You have to let me see her. You can’t just tell me that Astrid was hit by a car and expect me to keep calm.”

Dave intervenes. “Okay, so we’ve called Astrid’s friends and they say that she was taken to hospital. She’s perfectly fine, just with a few bumps and bruises.”

Hiccup breathes out. “Okay, but you have to let me see her.”

The producer sucks in a breath. “Well you see, Hiccup,” he says. “We would only allow you to see Astrid were she seriously hurt. Seeing as she’s fine, allowing you to see her puts you in breach of your contract.”

“No,” Hiccup says, his hands clenching into fists again. “If she’s been hurt, I want to see her. I have to know that she’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, Hiccup, but we can’t let you do that.”

“Surely there’s something you can do?” Valka says.

Dave sighs. “I’m afraid there’s nothing. It was all there in the contract, and to break that would cost you an awful lot of money.”

“We’re done,” Hiccup says.

Everyone looks at him, their mouths wide open.

“We’re done filming today,” he says. “Everyone leave. Now.”

One by one everyone is herded out of the room, leaving just Snotlout, Fishlegs (neither of whom had spoken throughout the whole exchange), and his parents.

He turns to Valka and Stoick. “Will you promise to make sure she’s okay?”

“Of course!”

They leave too, after a long conversation where they try to calm Hiccup down. Once they leave, Hiccup watches from the window as they drive away. Then he turns around to Snotlout and Fishlegs.

“I’m going to see her,” he says, adamant.

“Hiccup, you’re not allowed to!” Fishlegs says, something of a stutter in his voice.

“Rules are meant to be broken.”

There’s something in his voice and demeanour that says ‘Don’t argue with me’. Hiccup has fire in his eyes, and you know he’s serious.

“Uh… Hiccup, I think ‘breach of contract’ overrides the rules are meant to be broken thing,” Fishlegs says.

“I don’t care.”

* * *

 

Astrid curls up on her bed, her duvet wrapped around her. Of course – _of course_ – she would get hit by a car today. It was just the icing on the cake of this whole whirlwind of a television show. Why had she agreed to this? Why did she decide that three weeks apart from Hiccup was worth it just to get married sooner rather than later?

Her friends had offered her company, suggesting that they have a movie night, but Astrid just wanted to be alone. She just wants some time to sit by herself and mope, without any cameras around.

Late into the night, she begins to hear things tapping against her window.

_‘Please don’t let any axe murderers be at my window’_ is her silent prayer. It would be just like today. 

But when she opens her window, her heart soars because standing outside is the one person she wanted to see.

She leans out and grins down at him. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

Hiccup smiles and scrambles up the drainpipe. Astrid steps back, sitting on the bed and waiting for him, trying not to laugh as Hiccup struggles to manoeuvre himself through the window. Eventually, he just falls into a heap onto the floor.

“Well,” Astrid says. “That looked awkward.”

He doesn’t even do the signature Astrid-is-being-mean-to-me-pout, he just picks himself up off the floor and joins her on the bend, his hands taking hers.

“Are you okay?” he says. “They told me you were hit by a car.”

She groans, leaning forward and pressing her forehead against Hiccup’s chest, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. “It was so stupid,” she says, and as she speaks something cracks in her throat, like all the tension and stress that had been building up the whole day was letting go, and she can feel the tears rising in her eyes. “I just wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Hey,” Hiccup says, holding her tight and stoking her hair. “It’s okay.”

“Ugh,” Astrid says, wiping the tears away with her hand. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“Few bruises. I’m fine, Hiccup. Just ready to be done with these three weeks,” she says.

Hiccup’s embrace is warm and comforting and she wants to cry again just because she’s missed this so much.

“I’m so glad you’re here right now,” she mumbles into his shoulder. “It’s been a shitty day.”

“I know, Astrid, I’m sorry. I wish I could have been here.”

She pulls him closer. “But you’re here now.”

They sit there for a while, just cuddled up in each other’s arms.

“Nice job on the dress, by the way,” she says, her mouth curling upwards.

Hiccup grins. “Thanks. You know I had to sneak that dress away? They wanted me to buy you a big princess dress.”

“Bleugh. Thanks for saving me.”

They stay in each other’s arms for a few minutes more until the door bursts open. Heather and Cami stand in the doorway.

“Well, well, well,” Heather says, struggling to keep the grin off her face. “Someone’s breaking the rules.”

“She’d been hurt, you didn’t expect me to just-”

“No, we didn’t,” Cami interrupts, also smiling. “That’s why we’re here now.”

Hiccup groans, rolling his eyes. “I have to leave now, don’t I?”

The two of them nod.

“Great,” he sighs. “Tag teamed by Heather and Cami.”

He presses one last kiss onto Astrid’s lips before heaving himself up off the bed and heading to the door. Heather and Cami both put a hand up to stop him.

“Oh no, boyo,” Cami says, her eyes twinkling.

“What if someone were to see you?” Heather says.

“You came in that way,” Cami says, nodding her head towards the window.

“So you can leave that way,” Heather finishes, smiling.

Hiccup sighs, rolling his eyes. “I’m really starting to regret the day that you two got together.”

From the bed, Astrid’s hands cover her face in an attempt to stop the silent laughter that shakes her shoulders.

“See you at the altar, future Mr. Hofferson,” she says, as he swings his leg over the window sill. 

He gives her a small salute, a tap of his fingers to his forehead, and then hoists himself down the drainpipe again.

“Dork,” Astrid mutters, but she still can’t keep a smile off her face.


	7. The Punch

_Oh god_ , Astrid thinks. _I am in so much trouble_.

She sits in her room, her hands pressed over face. What had she done?

Her hands quiver over her face and she turns over and presses her head into her pillow. Downstairs she can hear people mumbling about her, she can hear people saying her name. Sooner or later she hears the front door bang and then hears people wandering up the stairs.

Cami, Heather and Ruffnut burst into the room. When they see her lying on her side with her face in her pillow, they rush over to her.

“What’s going on?” Heather says, placing her hand beside Astrid.

Astrid sits up, pulling her legs up to her chest and pressing her face into her knees, thinking back to the last few hours.

* * *

 

Astrid was more than a little bit fed up by all of these cameras. They had been nosing into all of her business, following her about everywhere she went, and to top it all off she'd been hit by a car and they hadn't let her see Hiccup. If he hadn't snuck out to see her she would be holding Dave at gunpoint to let her see him by now.

Seeing Hiccup had been wonderful, but knowing he had to leave again had been the worst. Now that she had seen him, she was even more impatient for her wedding day to come along so that she could finally be with Hiccup for good. She didn't even know when her wedding day was going to be and that made it worse. For all she knew, she could be getting married the day after tomorrow, or she might have to wait the whole three weeks. Either way, she was impatient and irritated, and certainly wasn't in the mood to put up with the camera crew's shit.

Most of them were lovely, the girls especially were particularly sympathetic towards Astrid, and they would take her to one side to offer advice and to chat a little to relieve the tension that was always, always in the air.

But the camera men were another story.

There were two men in the crew, pot-bellied, with greasy hair and dirty clothes, that spoke in scratchy voices and used uncomfortable epithets when they talked to her, like 'sweetie' or 'darling', as if she were five years old. They leered - she had noticed them looking down her shirt more than once.

But the kicker came one day when they had just finished filming a small interview in which Astrid had been talking about how much she missed Hiccup and how she was hoping that he was doing well and getting everything done and not stressing out too much.

She had moved out of the way of the crew while they fiddled with the equipment, and had a drink in hand, sitting down on her sofa and trying not to miss Hiccup too much. She was trying to get a few minutes of peace; she had found that her days more recently had been so stressful, running around in front of cameras and having to plaster on a smile when she spoke, because she would be damned if they got too many shots of her looking worse for wear or stressed out. She'd let herself relax into the sofa, nursing the drink in her hands.

The room was joined to the kitchen with a door that was propped wide open, and she could hear everything that was going on in there as the crew set up to take another few shots. She could hear the two camera men speaking and her ears pricked when she heard her name come up.

"'Ere, have you seen this?" one of them said, and although Astrid couldn't see, he had picked up a picture of Hiccup from the sideboard and was showing it to the other guy.

He said something that Astrid didn't hear and then heard them both guffawing.

"Dunno what she sees in this speccy little twat," the other one said.

_Oh no. They weren't talking about..._

Astrid could feel her blood boil. _Not worth a fight_ , she said in her head. _Remember the contract. Breathe._

"I could show her a better time than this skinny twit could," he said. "Have you seen her ass? He doesn't deserve a girl like that."

Astrid didn’t register herself getting up off her feet and moving to the kitchen. She didn’t really think as she slams the door shut behind her.

"Oooooh," one of the men mutters. "Someone's on their period."

Astrid clenched her hand into a fist and punched the man in the face.

* * *

 

A day later, Cami, Heather and Ruffnut arrive at Hiccup's parent's home, ready to meet Valka and Hiccup so they could discuss the wedding and then meet the camera crew in town so they could go bridesmaid shopping. The women and Hiccup were relieved to have a few hours without anyone watching them to talk before the cameras were on them once again.

"It's lovely to see you girls," Valka says, brightly, herding them all into the living room. "It's been too long since everyone was together. It's such a shame Astrid isn't here."

They had met in school, and had all been over to Hiccup's house more times that they could count as kids. Everyone loved Valka, who was so kind to everyone.

"You're forgetting the boys," Heather says. "We can't be a whole group without Fishlegs and the others too."

Cami snorts. "Who needs boys?"

"Hey!" Hiccup says, indignantly.

"Hiccup," his mother says. "Go into the kitchen and make everyone drinks."

Hiccup sighs, but hops off the sofa and hurries into the kitchen.

"So," Cami says, as soon as he leaves. "We have gossip."

Valka smiles. "Do tell."

"Astrid punched a camera man in the face," Ruffnut says, unable to keep the information to herself.

From the kitchen, there's a cough and a splutter and then a bout of wild laughter. In the midst of it all the women hear Hiccup yell something that sounds suspiciously like "That's my girl!"

He brings in a tray of drinks, trying to keep the smile off his face.

"What happened?" Valka says. "She's not going to get in trouble is she?"

"No," Cami says. "They weren't impressed, but you should have heard the things they were saying about her. If I had been there, I would have decked them myself. When they tried to do something about it, Astrid kicked up a fuss about the conduct of the camera crew and they're the ones who are getting punished for it, not Astrid."

While Cami was explaining, the smile had wiped away from Hiccup's face. "What were the saying about her?" he says, his voice quiet.

When they explain, Hiccup is stony-faced, and looks for all the world as if he would go find these men and punch them himself. His fist clenches and then unclenches.

“Is she okay?” he asks, trying to keep calm.

“She wasn’t at first,” Heather says, but when she sees Hiccup’s expression, she jumps up and pulls him back down to sit on the sofa. “But once everything was sorted out and she knew neither you nor her were in trouble, she was fine. Pissed as hell, but fine.” 

Hiccup is still angry. He has half a mind to make another excursion in the middle of the night to go and see her, but he can’t risk them being caught. What with the dress incident and now Astrid assaulting a camera man he can bet that the company aren’t best pleased with the pair of them right now. If they got caught breaking the contract, he’s pretty sure that there’s no way that they could get out of it.

“I wish I could see her,” he mutters.

“In time,” Valka says, sending Hiccup a kindly, sympathetic smile.

Cami gives him a light punch in the arm. “You’ll see her soon.”

He knows Cami is only trying to make him feel better, but that punch on the arm only served to remind him even more that Astrid wasn’t around. God, he misses her.

“Come on, boy,” Cami says. “Let’s go find stupid dresses for us to wear to this thing.”

They hustle him out of the house and drive into town – and despite the cameras, his friends help him feel just a little bit better.


	8. Final Preparations

The wedding is on a Friday.

When the gold envelope concealing her invitation slips through the letter box, Astrid can’t hold back the part of her that wants to squeal and jump and around. She picks it up and runs with it to the living room, where the camera crew and her bridesmaids are waiting.

After the whole assault debacle, Astrid had been getting more and more frustrated with the waiting game. She was done with all the cameras and she was done with not seeing Hiccup – she just wanted to be with him and she wanted to be with him now. This envelope had brought her hope; it was the light at the end of the tunnel.

When she runs into the room, her best friends all look up at her with the brightest of smiles. They have been with her every second of the way on this ridiculous journey, and all of them are ready for their two best friends to finally tie the knot.

“You are cordially invited to the wedding of Hiccup Haddock and Astrid Hofferson,” she reads out, a smile spreading across her face. “But it doesn’t say where!”

“Soon, Astrid,” Heather says, her eyes sparkling.

Astrid raises a finger, accusatory. “You know where it is, don’t you?” she says.

Heather raises her hands in a gesture of surrender, fighting a giggle. “I’m not saying anything.”

Astrid turns her eye to Ruffnut and Cami, both of whom feign innocence. Badly.

She wrinkles her nose and drops back down on the sofa and pouts, but inside she’s thrilled. In a few days, she going to see Hiccup again, for good.

* * *

“No.”

“Hiccup, come on.”

“No.”

“Hiccup…”

“No!”

“If you’ve never been to one, you can’t know you won’t like it!”

Hiccup all but slams his hands down onto the coffee table, letting out a long groan. “Snotlout, I am not, and I repeat, not, not now and not ever going to a strip club. No.”

Snotlout leans back in his chair and lets out a snort. “You can’t have a stag party and not go to a strip club.”

Hiccup scoffs. “Yes I can, and I will.”

From the corner of his eye, he can see Dave shifting out from behind the cameras, his mouth opening to speak. Almost automatically, Hiccup feels his heart sink and he resists the urge to groan. Here we go.

When Dave finishes speaking, Hiccup wants to bang his head on the wall. He’s just been told that he has to go to a strip club for reasons that are just ridiculous. The message to Hiccup is loud and clear: _You’re too boring for us_.

So he goes to a strip club, and surprise, surprise! He hates it.

What infuriates him more, however, is when Dave controls where he sends Astrid for her hen party.

“I could hire her a limo, and send her to her favourite clubs,” Hiccup says, scrawling it down on his now very full paper.

Dave coughs, and Hiccup fantasises about sneaking laxatives into his tea while his back is turned.

“You really can’t do that, I’m afraid,” Dave says.

Hiccup doesn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Why not?”

“She’ll be expecting something like that. You need to do something she wouldn’t expect.”

Hiccup raises an eyebrow. “So… something she won’t like?” he says, irritation slipping into his tone.

“Of course not, Hiccup, we just want you to think outside the box.”

Hiccup frowns and in his head he comes up with all sort of amusing ways he could make Dave’s life miserable. Even though he was never going to do any of them, it still made him feel a tiny bit better.

Despite Dave’s little ploys, Hiccup manages to pull something off for Astrid’s hen party anyway. The producer rubs his hands together, something of a grin on his face when he brings the girls to their hen party destination, thinking _yes, this is it, I finally got him, and he’s finally going to look bad._

He doesn’t expect the screams of delight when Astrid and the girls see the dirt bike track. Of course, he’s not to know that Astrid’s bridesmaids are just as rough-and-tumble as she is, perhaps even more so. None of them can wait to have a go on the bikes. Sure, they like clubbing and drinking as much as anyone else, but hell, dirt bike racing? That’s awesome, in all of their minds. Behind the scenes, Dave nearly tears his hair out.

* * *

 

The morning of the wedding dawns, and Hiccup wakes with a twist in his stomach.

_I’m going to marry Astrid today._

He hops out of bed, jittery with a mixture of nerves and excitement, because this is what the whole, horrific three weeks is boiling down to. In his mind, he makes a mental checklist, hoping that he’s got everything in order. The worry that he might have forgotten something eats away at his brain.

He meets Snotlout at breakfast, who grins and claps him on his shoulder. “Big day, eh, cuz? How you feeling?”

Hiccup smiles. “I can’t wait to see her.”

For once Snotlout doesn’t make a catty comment, he just smiles at his cousin across the table.

Hiccup rushes around, panic coursing through his limbs. His hand rakes through his hair and he freaks out a little bit, before Fishlegs stops him.

“Hiccup, what’s going on?” his friend says, concerned.

“I’m not going to get everything done in time,” Hiccup says, his hands pressing across his friends. “Astrid’s going to hate it. She’s going to hate it.”

Fishlegs laughs and puts his hands on Hiccup’s shoulders. “And I thought I was the one who was prone to panicking. Hiccup, Astrid loves you. Whatever happens, whatever comes out of this, all she wants to do is be with you, so stop worrying.”

Hiccup smiles and sighs, shuffling from foot to foot. “I’m just really wired,” he mumbles.

“You’re going to do fine,” Fishlegs says. “Trust me, she’s going to love it.”

* * *

 

Hiccup finishes the preparations, making sure that everything is perfect. For once, he doesn’t care about how Dave is snapping at his heels and the camera crew following him around everywhere. All he cares about is the fact that in a few hours, he’s going to see Astrid again, and not only that but he’s going to be married to her.

Everything is _finally_ done, everything is finally in place and the guests are all slowly leaking into the cove to their seats, and all that is left is for Hiccup to wait at the altar for the love of his life to arrive.


	9. The Wedding

The day of the wedding dawns and Astrid is jittery with nerves. She feels, somehow, like she’s gone back in time to when she and Hiccup were teenagers – back when they were navigating their way around their first relationship. She can feel the heat rising in her cheeks, and she breathes slowly, calming herself down.

_It’s just Hiccup_ , she tells herself. _This is all you’ve wanted for ages_.

Astrid wanders downstairs. It’s far too early for anyone to be awake, so she sits down on a kitchen chair, drumming her fingers on the table. She watches through the window as the sun rises achingly slowly into the sky. Still, nobody wakes. For a few moments she enjoys the solitude and then it gets boring. She ponders the pros and cons of waking the girls up, but decides it’s not worth the fist in her face that she’ll definitely get if she goes anywhere near Cami while she’s trying to sleep.

Eventually, everyone wakes, and Astrid feels the excitement bubble up in her. She’s going to see Hiccup again. _Finally_.

It starts with the bridesmaids of all things, Heather, Cami and Ruffnut lining up in their dresses. Astrid lets out an uncharacteristic squeal when she sees them, a smile spreading across her face. Her three best friends look gorgeous in their deep blue dresses.

Astrid steps forward and puts her hands around Cami’s face. “Cami, you’re wearing a dress!” she says, the grin not leaving her face.

“Get off me, you crazy woman,” Cami says, but she’s smiling and pulls Astrid in for a proper hug.

It’s not long before she gets into her own dress, the girls themselves jumping up and down when they see her.

“You look amazing,” Heather says, grinning.

She’d seen what Astrid had looked like in the shop, but seeing her now was just something else. Astrid with all of her hair done up and her make up perfected looked like nothing short of beautiful.

Just an hour or so of waiting and then the car shows up, a sleek black car covered in ribbons and roses. Astrid wants to jump up and down. She’s about to get married.

 

Her father accompanies her in the car, along with a woman and a camera. Astrid cranes her neck to look out of her window, trying to work out where the car is going. They go around seemingly endless twists and turns in the road, until the car slows down, and the penny drops.

Astrid almost screams.

* * *

 

The cove is decked out with fairy lights; leading the guests to where a set of chairs had been laid out, a gap in the middle for an aisle. Right at the end is an arch, strewn with flowers and ribbons, and there he is. There’s Hiccup, waiting there for her, and all Astrid can do in that moment is ignore tradition and run up to him. They throw their arms around each other and she feels Hiccup lean down and put his mouth against her ear.

“Missed you,” he whispers.

She closes her eyes and doesn’t say anything because saying ‘I missed you’ doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem enough. There aren’t enough words in the world to express how she’s felt like there was a misbalance in the universe without him around. She doesn’t want to say that she feels broken without him, because she’s not broken and she doesn’t need to be completed by him, but god, it had been lonely.

So all she says is “I can’t believe you’ve done this at the cove, you wonderful asshole,” under her breath and she feels him smile.

They hold each other like that for a lengthy amount of time before the registrar coughs and the two let each other go, unable to hold back their smiles. They clutch at each other’s hands.

Astrid doesn’t really register the woman beside them speaking, and she barely gets the vows out. She’s too busy reacquainting herself with Hiccup’s face and losing herself in his eyes.

And then, before she realised it had happened the woman is smiling and saying “You may now kiss the bride,” and she’s pulling him towards her and the two of them are kissing, smiling into each other’s lips.

For once she doesn’t care about the cameras, or the people watching them, because right there in that moment it was just Hiccup and Astrid and nothing else. She loops her arms through his and pulls him into a hug again, while everyone around them stands and claps. She can hear her bridesmaids whooping beside her, and she hears Cami yell a rude comment and all she can do is laugh into Hiccup’s chest.

The reception is just as good as the ceremony. Hiccup had set up a huge tent the opposite side of the cove, and everyone flows in and takes their seats. She and Hiccup stand on the central table, and the microphone is offered to Astrid.

She takes it and looks over at the crowd. Time to drop her own bombshell.

“For the whole of this process, I’ve known nothing about it. And Hiccup’s done an amazing job – he’s done everything I could ever wish for,” she says, her voice echoing across the room.

The crowd awws.

“But now it’s time for a surprise of my own,” she says, her mouth twisting into a grin. “Because he’s done all of this work and because I love him, I’ve got him a present. Heather, could you bring him in?”

Heather walks in with a large box. Hiccup stares and stares until he realises that it’s a cat carrier. When she brings it over, Astrid takes it and grins up at her husband. He takes the carrier and looks inside.

“No way…” Hiccup says, his mouth gaping open. “…No way!”

For years and years, Hiccup had his heart set on this little cat they’d seen once in their animal shelter. It was three-legged cat and had no teeth, and nobody had ever wanted to adopt the poor little thing. He’d named the cat Toothless, and went back day after day to see him. They hadn’t been able to adopt him because they didn’t have enough money for him.

Hiccup stares at Astrid, wide-eyed.

“I’ve been saving up,” she says, by way of explanation. “Now we don’t have to save up for a wedding, we can adopt him. In fact, I already did.”

Hiccup sets the cat carrier down, darts forward and kisses her.

“I love you!” he says, and Astrid grins.

“Love you too, you big dork,” she says.

The rest of the day, they never leave each other’s side. Somehow, after all this stress, after everything that’s happened, it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. All they need is each other.

They go home as Mr. and Mrs. Hofferson, and neither of them could be happier.


	10. Epilogue

Dave sighs and rakes his fingers through his hair. He stands behind the chief editor, watching some of the process of the episode being put together. Looking back on it, he would have to say that Hiccup Haddock and Astrid Hofferson were honestly the worst participants they had ever had on the show. They had never had couple that had caused _this_ much trouble.  It was inconceivable to Dave how two people who were miles apart could be so in sync; how he’d have messages about how Hiccup was ruining their plans across town while Astrid would be doing the very same with his crew.

 A part of him wants to throw his arms up in the air and scrap all the footage that they have and just let the season be one less episode long. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realises how much money he’d lose by doing that. Not to mention the contract that had been signed. Despite rumours and smug looks from Hiccup and Astrid, there had been no evidence that the two had broken the contract, so he supposes he has no choice but to air the episode, despite the lack of drama and arguments between the two.

_What kind of a couple are they?_ He grouches to himself. _No arguments? No fighting? How can I make good television about this?!_

He scowls, but resolves that there’s not a lot he can do about it.

* * *

 

The episode airs on a Thursday.

Hiccup and Astrid curl up on their sofa, mugs of hot chocolate in their hands and a shared blanket covering their legs. Hiccup rests his head on Astrid’s shoulder, a content smile spreading across his face. Toothless purrs and curls himself up between Astrid and Hiccup, rubbing his head against them. Hiccup scratches his ears.

“I still can’t believe you got me a cat,” Hiccup says. “You are possibly the coolest human ever.”

Astrid tips back her head and laughs. “You’ve been making goo-goo eyes at that cat for years. It was the least I could do.”

She settles down and lets herself get comfy.

“Are you ready for this, Mr. Hofferson?” Astrid says, her arm snaking around his shoulders and resting there.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, Mrs. Hofferson,” he says.

The two of them grin. Neither of them have got used to their new titles, and saying them out loud still gives both of them a rush. They switch on the television and change the channel, and soon enough the title sequence blares, dramatic music playing as the narrator speaks.

“ _Tonight, on Don’t Tell the Bride: Shy Hiccup arranges a wedding for his outgoing blonde bride, Astrid!_ ”

The two of them hold back a sigh. Here we go.

* * *

 

Neither of them speak until the programme reaches the moment where they both had to leave each other. On screen, the pair of them are lost in each other’s arms, Hiccup’s wrapped tight around Astrid’s waist, her face buried in his shoulder.

Real-life Astrid makes a fake gagging sound. “We’re worse than Cami and Heather,” she mutters.

“No kidding,” Hiccup says. “But to be fair, I didn’t want to leave you. I knew I’d miss you too much.”

They inch closer to each other, and Astrid presses a kiss to Hiccup’s hair.

* * *

 

“ _Mud-pit_!” Snotlout yells on-screen. “ _What? A mud-pit would be an awesome thing to have at a wedding!_ ”

Astrid shakes with laughter. She buries her face into a cushion and cackles, trying her best to let them subside.

“I see you had fun living with Snotlout,” she says, when she’s finished.

“Please,” Hiccup says, screwing up his eyes and holding his hands up. “Don’t remind me.”

“Three weeks you spent in that place,” Astrid says, looking Hiccup up and down. “We should check you for diseases.”

Hiccup throws a cushion in Astrid’s face.

* * *

 

Then came the dresses. In a solemn voice, the narrator reads “ _Across town, Hiccup has picked a big, lace dress, quite the opposite of Astrid’s short silky choice._ ”

Hiccup snorts. “Utter crap. That’s not what I picked at all.”

“ _As fate would have it, there was a mix-up in the dress shop, and Astrid was delivered a dress just like the one she picked out!_ ”

It cuts to Astrid, twirling in the dress, a huge smile across her face.

“I’m glad you got that one,” Astrid says. “It was a lovely dress.”

They reach the wedding and Astrid frowns. “So, no mention of my accident?” she says. “And I see that gross camera man I punched got brushed under the carpet too.”

“Not surprised. They’ve got to give the channel a good representation,” Hiccup says.

Astrid huffs, but she doesn’t stay mad for long, because she soon sees the reunion of the two of them on screen.

“We’re cute, aren’t we?”

“Very cute,” Hiccup says, grinning.

* * *

 

Hiccup heaves himself up off of the sofa and heads to the kitchen to refill their mugs, while Astrid flicks through her phone.

She checks twitter and almost drops it.

“Hiccup?!” she yells. “We’re trending!”

Hiccup hurries back into the room. “What?!”

“Look!” Astrid says, holding up the phone.

And sure enough, #Don’tTellTheBride is trending.

Astrid reads through a few.

_Cutest couple ever!_

_Finally, a couple that actually listens to each other._

_I want a relationship like that!_

Hiccup takes the phone and flicks through, a grin spreading across his face, his shoulders shaking slightly as he dissolves into laughter.

“What?” Astrid asks.

Hiccup grins. “Imagine Dave’s face right now.”

Astrid joins in, and the two of them clutch each other and giggle.

* * *

 

A few hours later, and Hiccup is still flicking through twitter.

“A few of them are asking why I took your name,” he says.

From the other room, he can hear Astrid yell something like “You really think I’d take the name Haddock?” and Hiccup snorts.

Astrid re-enters the room and sits beside Hiccup, curling her legs up onto the chair. “How did your parents take that by the way?”

Hiccup shrugs. “They didn’t mind. They adore you, and they know how much your name means to you. Besides, Hiccup Hofferson is _so_ much better than Hiccup Haddock.”

Astrid grins, and leans forward to kiss him. “I’m glad.”

* * *

 

The two curl up on the sofa once more, both of them sleepy. Hiccup’s eyes feel like lead, and rather than trying to fight it, he lets them shut, his head resting in on Astrid’s shoulder. His breathing steadies, and Astrid smiles down at him.

_Was all of this worth it?_

Astrid’s been asking herself that question a lot. Was the wedding worth the three weeks apart? Was it worth the nights that she sat up, unable to sleep because Hiccup wasn’t there, feeling so horribly lost and alone? Was it worth being hit by car? Was it worth all of the cameras prying into their private lives?

She studies his face, watching the way that any anxieties seem to have faded away. She counts the freckles on his cheeks, mentally connecting the dots into constellations across his face. She watches the way he breathes, slowly and steadily, the way you do when you’re just about to fall asleep, the way that all the burdens of the day just fall away.

_Yeah._

_It was worth it._

“Hiccup?” Astrid whispers, half asleep herself.

“Mmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Astrid.”

**The End.**

 

 

 


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